Thursday, July 31, 2008

you like me, you really like me!?!?


I think I just got an award nomination. I'm not entirely sure if this is a real award, but I am going with it full force ahead as if I just won the WWW.Emmy awards, say, my category was best use of the word eff in 2008, or something like that.
"I'd like to thank my fellow bloggers. Without all of you, I would be forever in the dark about things such as reusable sandwich bags and the joys of gardening, working in a law office, having anywhere from zero to way too many children, and the odd, quirky things that our families do on a daily basis. I'm so glad my own little zoo, err family, has given you so much enjoyment. I promise to continue in my quest for craziness and padded walls. Thank you. "


now, I would like to nominate some other bloggers....check them out!


Why Mom Drinks Rum
I would like to publicly thank Holly for teaching me to do these links properly. without her help, you all would be seeing a long line of computer jibber jabber and thinking I was the one who was drinking run whilst blogging. there is no one else I would rather color my hair and get drunk with.

Kemprowski Party of 5
I imangine Ellen's house smells really, really good. all the time:) go Partylite!


Because I Said So
this woman just cracks me up!


The Daily Mom
because you know you want to know how Tori Spelling manages to be a Mom to 2 and work as an actress and decorate her home and stay so damn skinny all of the time.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

a special kind of stupid

it takes a really special kind of stupid to do the following scenario. warning- do not attempt this at home. paid professionals were not used and clearly no planning was done at all.

my neighbors have decided to change their garage into an extra "play room" for their house. they emptied out all of the crap that was in there. where they put it all, I have no idea. perhaps they have a shed in the backyard that I have not snooped and seen, errr, heard about. anyways, the garage was empty and the husband was mopping the floor on Saturday. yes, he was mopping the garage. this is why I even paid attention to what was happening, how often do you look out your kitchen window and see a man mopping? let alone a garage.
so, he mopped, and then painted. the wife came out every so often to inspect. she is currently 11 months pregnant and has that pained, "the baby is gonna drop out of me at any moment" look that we all get when we are at or past our due date. so, he finished all of this on Saturday, Sunday he was hanging up pictures and arranging some furniture. yes, in the garage, with the garage door open, in Florida, in July. so, it was about 100 degrees and he is arranging furniture and sweating buckets...in a garage. that afternoon, a big truck pulls up from a pool table store. they unload the pool table and set it up.
OK, fast forward to today, Wednesday. there is a big piece of rolled up carpet on their driveway. he has a friend over, and they are trying to install carpet, padding also, in the garage, with the pool table in it. really, I should be taping this. it's quite funny to watch.
and the wife has come out a few times and stood, looking at them, shaking her head, looking very saddened. I know exactly what she is thinking. "look at what I married."

Monday, July 28, 2008

rainy Sundays and forcing children to watch quality tv

so, yesterday was a very rainy, blah kind of Sunday. we ditched church. how bad am I that I am admitting to skipping out on God for a day? the thought of getting 3 children from the car to the church in rain and walking through a muddy field)they're doing construction at our church currently and the parking lot is in the filed)was too much for this Momma.
but, the day was not wasted! no, no, no. far from it, my friends. there was a marathon of Anne of Green Gables on! eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have not watched Anne of Green Gables in such a long time. actually, I never saw the whole series. but I did not know that until yesterday. I watched the adult years from when she was in New York with Gil and then when they got married and he went off to war and she followed to look for him and ahhhhh, they found one another again. now I feel the need to get the whole dang series and start out from the first episode.
and yeah, I forced the kids to watch with me. supplying them with copious amounts of popcorn helped. but the questions.....why is he doing that? what happened to the baby? why doesn't he have an arm? are they kissing because they like each other? was that a real gun? what happened next? is that Anne? she grew up on the TV? is she named Anne in real life? did she get paid to be Anne on TV? is that war still going on in France? I don't think I ever want to go to France, do you, Momma?
where's that Calgon?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

oh my

who knew the mess one 15 month old could make with 1 mini powdered sugar doughnut?
I got him in his little chair, assortment of foods and a sippy of soy milk.
the phone rang. I decided to answer it since it was Sunday morning at 8:02AM. who calls at that time except if it is an emergency? it was the man, calling to tell me that he thinks he forgot his wallet and it may be in the laundry basket, can I go check? ummm, I just emptied laundry basket into washing machine moments ago. I run out to garage and stick my hands into the now sudsy waters and pull out 2 pairs of work shorts. no wallet. I fell around the bottom, no wallet. I race back to the phone and say, "no wallet".
guess what he says? "oh, I know. I just found it on the bottom of my backpack".
virtual whack-a-man-head time

so I return to the family room. and find the chair now empty of a 15 month old, but he has left me a trail.....

and...I found him! he had not actually eaten the whole doughnut, but instead decided it was just as much fun to smear it onto his face. and the couch. and everything else he passed within touching distance.

good thing he's so cute.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

learning the lingo

OK, my son decided to quiz me on my "coolness". hmmph, he questions my coolness, does he? why I once dated someone with bright blue hair and an earring before every guy and his brother had an earring. and the blue hair was on a 20 something.
why, I went through a Goth period before it was cool to be pale.



"you're so off the hook"
OK, I got this wrong. I thought it meant "wow, you are so cool". he says it means "you are in so much trouble". then he started to explain it further and Hannah Montana and Mickey Mouse were involved and then he said forget it. on to the next.

"you're fly"
well come on.....everyone knows this one. it means you are really Jeff Goldblume and you are making a remake of "The Fly" and failing miserably to live up to Jeff's portrayal of the bug-man.
OK...I think this means "you're cool". he said I was close enough.

"I need to fast back it to the right part"
ummm, ?????????????
oh, he isn't asking me a cool question, he is actually asking me a real life 8 year old question! he wants to rewind the show he is watching to watch a part again. "fast back"= rewind. fast back has a bit of a ring to it.

"what does the power card of Pokemon Pikachu do to the fire breathing Pokemon and then when they battle who do you think will win?"
yeah...I give up. no freaking clue.

Friday, July 25, 2008

there... is... another... Sky...walker

yeah, so you know the scene is Star Wars where Yoda tells Luke that there is another Skywalker and then later Luke learns that Leia is his twin sister and all that jazz? (yes, you know...you remember, I see you nodding, Holly, thank you)
anyways, I am feeling that my baby and my oldest son are really the same person, split apart by 8 years. twins. the similarities are...uncanny.
first of all, they look exactly the same. I think maybe my oldest had a bit more hair at this point(15 months), but beyond that they are dead ringers for one another.
next, they both enjoy wooden spoons. my son pretty much took a wooden spoon and used that to teeth on, carry around, sleep with, etc. when he was a baby. yes, of course I had all of these really colorful, textured so called "real" teething toys. he wanted no part in them. this baby- same way. I just didn't even bother with a lot of toys this time around, he'll only play with a handful of toys and chew on that same freaking wooden spoon anyways.
the blankies. my children all have their very own blankies. even the 8 year old still has 1 special, ragged, holey, stained beyond cleaning blanket. he has it on his bed. it comes out in public if he is hurt, sick, or wanting to appear especially cute and trying to talk me into something. my daughter has 2. one is the blanket that matched the outfit she came home from the hospital in(awwww). and the other is another pink blanket that she just took a liking to. both of these are around dailey. they are constantly in her range. she can tell you excatly where the blankies are at any point in the day. when I steal them away for washing, she literally goes out to check the laundry every so often...someone might steal them or someothing, I guess? now the baby has 2. one was a gift from my sister and is a blue teddy bear head with a blue blanket body. this is "B.B." the other one is a blue velour/satin blanket that I got at WalMart while pregnant. the man was highly opposed to "his" son having satin...he got over it.
so, back to my clones. they have the same "looks" and expressions. the only difference is that the baby can't talk nearly as much as the 8 year old can. the 8 year old will sometimes look at me like he is thinking, "really? really? you're my Momma? this is the best I could get?". and today, I swear to you the baby had that same look. of course, this was after I almost dropped him head first while trying to slice a banana and let the dog out while holding him. don't ask...it all happened so fast it's a bit of a blur. the point is that my baby already knows that his Momma is a clutz who cannot multitask successfully. it took my other 2 until at least age 3 or so to learn this.
damn, I thought I had this Momma thing down better by now. (and no...I'm not trying for 4)

my little Stephen Spielberg




yeah, so for the record, I have not allowed any of my children to watch Jaws. he came up with this whole scenario on his own, complete with red towel..."'cuz the water is bloody, Momma. I can't use the beige towel....." while looking at me like I am the one who has lost my mind.
I guess he was a little bored. early storms today, early dinner, he decided to make a whole little scene in the shower. I have no idea if he actually cleaned himself. he's almost 9, I leave that up to him unless I visibly see dirt somewhere on his body, I'll assume he's got it under control.
my daughter was not as impressed. the thought of Bride Barbie being mauled by a Fisher Price shark in my shower was too much for her. she immediately gathered all Barbies and took them to her room. (perhaps I should set up little scenes like this one whenever the Barbie population is starting to crowd me)

Friday, July 11, 2008

McDonald's Hell Day

I'll admit it. I eat at McD's about once a week. the kids love it. they have a "regular order". I, on the other hand, vary my order from time to time. well, I may have visited and ordered McDonald's for the last time(at least for me).
the day started with an outing.we went to the movies. AMC Theaters have $1 movies on Wednesdays for the kids. I foolishly thought to myself, "self, of course you can take all 3 kids to the movies by yourself. you are a strong, capable woman. this will be easy peasy."
this, of course, is when I lost my mind for a bit. what in the H*ll was I thinking? a 15 month old sitting and watching a movie and not having a screaming wildchild fit of ear deafening noise levels is what I was clearly not thinking about. we got there, got seats. got settled and I had packed enough snacks for a family of 10. they were happy. movie started, and within about 10 minutes it was very evident that the 15 month old was NOT happy. I told the other 2 that I was going to walk around with the baby, stay and sit here and watch the movie. I stupidly thought that perhaps the baby would fall asleep. (yes, go ahead and laugh out loud here)
a few minutes turned into me walking back and forth in the little lobby area (still inside the theater, by the doors and trash cans)and trying to keep the little angel from picking up and eating spilled popcorn and other yummies off of the floor. after about 20 minutes of this and numerous people walking by to go out to the restrooms and making nice comments like, "oh, he is SO cute!" and "wow, you've got your hands full with that one, huh?".
the other 2 kids came out. they had to go to the bathroom. we all went. once outside the restrooms, I asked if they really wanted to see the rest of the movie, or could we call it a day and head back towards home.it was all of 11:30AM by now and I was done. they agreed,as long as we could stop by and get lunch at McDonald's. I happily agreed because this meant I did not have to continue chasing the little wee child and keeping him from trying to escape the theater.
so, we drive thru at McD's and order our lunch. we ate at home and just as we were finishing, the man got home(early). the kids were excited that Daddy came home early, so they proceeded to tell him all about our adventures of the day. he, of course, told me I was nuts for thinking the baby would do well at a movie theater. "mmphphhhh" was my reply.
I cleaned up the kitchen table and started feeling a little strange. strange as in all of a sudden I was freezing in the 90 degree Florida summer. then I broke out in a full body sweat. then, I knew I was going to throw up. like NOW. I made it to the bathroom and proceeded to make a mess of myself. I walked out a few minutes later, and handed my clothes to the man who had a bewildered look on his face as to why his wife was now naked and green. I told him I was sick, could he throw this stuff into the washing machine. now is when he pulls one of his "d'uh" moments. he asks me, "why?" I said, I thought maybe I had food poisoning and there was McDonald's puke now on my clothes he was holding. (insert little snicker here at the look that spread over his face as he realized he was holding vomit somewhere in his hands. hey, I have cleaned up way worse. he can handle a little vomit.) and then, I quickly ran back to the bathroom to continue the pukefest.
you know when you're sick and vomiting and you reach that point where you really just want to die so you can be done with the vomiting? after crouching, kneeling, leaning, hanging over the toilet for about 2 hours, I was at that point. and my dear dog must have sensed it, because it was at this point that she decided she needed to take care of me. by taking care of me I mean she forced her way into the bathroom and stuck her face into my face and started to sniff and lick and whine. and I continued to have dry heaves(because there was nothing left at this point). I yelled for the man and he eventually came in.
he asks, "you OK?". yeah, peachy.
at this point I wanted to just lay down, but the man had decided to change the bed linens out, but had not put any fresh ones back onto the bed. I laid down on the unmade bed, in a towel, and tried to meditate myself into non-nausea land.
at about 9PM, I sent him to the store to buy me drugs. he took our daughter for help. the drugs worked and I was able to finally fall asleep around 1AM.
my children survived. the house was a wreck. the dog is still looking at me like I need assisitance. and the man has now told everyone we know how wonderful he is because he "helped to take care of me". he did eventually put new sheets on the bed, btw.
so, in closing....Alvin and the Chipmunks was moderately funny for the first 15 minutes or so of the movie, couldn't tell ya what happened after that. a Big Mac combo meal is not pretty at all coming out of the human body at mach 3.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

the man is not organizable

not sure if that is really a word, organizable. but, he is incapable of it.
since we had the rodent visitors in the garage, we have now gone through and cleaned everything and gotten rid of stuff that has been sitting on shelves for almost 15 years. so, I asked him if I got a clear container for the smaller yard tools, would that work to keep them all togehter on the shelf? he said yes, good idea. I took that to mean that he agreed with me and that yes, a container would be helpful. obviously, I was mistaken.
I got the container, brought it home.
set it down next to the shelf that was now clean, with absolutely nothing on it. all of the "stuff" was on the garage floor.
I continue on inside, put away groceries, vacuum, care and feed 3 children, etc. I'm thinking all along, "ahhhhhh, the man is organizing. this is so nice. I'm going to walk out there and see a shelf that I can see what is on it. and not see little hideaway spots where rodents could be lurking, ready to jump out at me.
I walk outside, and the man is smiling, he is happy and pleased with himself. I look at the shelf, and yes, it is clean. but, all of the "stuff" is piled right back onto the shelves. the new clear container is sitting on the floor, next to the shelf. empty.
he looks proudly at me and says, "guess we didn't need that container anyways. it all fits."
so, while he is gone tomorrow, I'll fix it. and organize it.

and, just wanted to add that Tropical Storm Bertha, if it stays on its' projected path, is heading right for me. yes, TWC is one of my favorite channels on the remote.(for those of you not familiar, TWC= The Weather Channel...a very important channel in Florida come June 1 every year). and yes, the man is already laughing at me with my Hurricane Box list. let's just see who's laughing when he needs a few squares of toilet paper. or water. or food. yeah, you go on laughing. when we need a few extra AA batteries in December, who always has them left over from the Hurricane Box? mmm hmmmm, me.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

5 years ago today, I became a Momma for the 2nd time

the following was written in July, 2003


we got to the hospital at 9AM Wednesday, July 2, 2003 for
our scheduled induction. once we got into our room (about 9:30AM), an
IV was put in my right wrist, and a bag of fluids and a bag of
Pitocin was started. I was already contracting about every 8 minutes
(very minor contrax), and was dialated to 3cm, 80% effaced. our nurse
was fantastic! her name was Cherry, and she was a very happy, upbeat
person who loved to talk! LOL, she told us all about her family, her
vacations, her whole life..and it really helped to keep me calm and
not really think about the whole "medical" part of the
labor..hospitals kind of give me the creeps, and she made me very
comfortable:) the man was doing great also...he was very calm and
supportive, but his excitement showed, also! he really helped me a
lot to concentrate on breathing thru the contractions..even though
they were still relatively easy to get thru. I was in the rocking
chair for about the first hour of Pitocin, and that helped a lot to
just not be "in bed". I also was listening to my WalkMan radio to
some talk radio (Howard Stern and then another local talk radio show)
to keep my mind off of the labor and to keep me distracted from
staring at the monitors! the man thinks I am crazy for liking Howard Stern...says I am most likely giving our unborn child potty mouth syndrome via the sound waves)
My Dr. came in at about 10:30AM and broke my water, and it had a bit
of meconium in it. Cherry explained how when the baby was born there
would be a few extra people in the room (resp. therapist, neonatal
nurse) to help suction out the baby really well. After he broke the
water, I got back into the rocking chair and the contrax. really
picked up in frequency and intensity. I was no longer able to talk
thru them, and the man was helping me by telling me the peak was over, so
I could know the worst part of each one was behind me. I stayed in
the chair for about another hour, and then needed to change
positions..but the pain was so bad I couldn't really decide what I
wanted to try..so the man suggested the birthing ball. He was going to get
it from the closet, but the contrax. started coming about every
minute, lasting 30 seconds all of a sudden, and I had a death grip on
his hands, so he stayed with me:) I was sweating so bad...I kept
getting waves of nausea...and then right when I was sure I could not
take it anymore, the contrax. would taper off, and I could relax,
catch my breath...and asked for the epidural. The anest. had already
been in to see me, interview me, etc., so all I had to do was ask,
and wait... I have to say that that 30-45 minutes was the toughest period
of time of the labor and delivery. Cherry helped me to the bathroom
to try to empty my bladder, which I did, but it really scared me when
I saw all of the bloody show in the toilet..I knew it was all
happening much much faster than my labor with my son, and I was happy
about it..but I really felt at my wits' end from the pain and the
sweating and the nausea. I was just ready to get some relief so I
could try to relax more and let it all happen.
I got back into the bed with Cherry's and the man's help, and was sitting
up with my legs hanging over the side of the bed, waiting for the
anesth. It took a little longer than Cherry thought it was going
to...another patient was taking longer than usual to get numb. Anne
(anesth.) came in and got everything ready. I have to say, she was
great also! She was very calm, talking me thru the procedure, and I
am so happy to say that it did not hurt at all! (I had a lot of pain
with my previous epidural) She gave me the first test dose, and we
waited about 10 minutes...one leg was much more numb than the other,
so she gave me another dose, repositioned me, and within another 10
minutes I was in much better shape. the only thing I do not remember
happening with my son's labor was some extremely violent shaking after
the 2nd dose was administered. I was shaking so hard I was gritting
my teeth because if I didn't, my teeth were chattering so hard
together I thought I was going to break them! they kept assuring my husband
and I that this was all normal, and he was rubbing my legs and face
with a cool cloth. the sweating stopped immediately, and the nausea
was gone...after about 10 minutes, the shaking subsided to just a few
shakes off and on every few minutes. I had a button attached to the
epidural where I could up the dose if I needed to. I used that about
2 times, I think throughout the remainder of labor. I was extremely
comfortable...could feel the contrax., but was able to breath thru
them, concentrate, and talk once again. the man, on the other hand, could
have used a dose of some meds by that time to calm him down..he got
so stressed seeing me like that...I felt bad for him:(
by this time, my family had arrived, and my husband's mother arrived right at
3PM. I was able to talk, was starting to feel some pressure during
each contrax, but not an overwhelming amount. I told Cherry this, and
she said, well, let's check you and see where you are...you may be
close to 10 cm if you're starting to feel some pressure. everyone
went out to the waiting room, thinking they could come right back in
after the exam. well..the baby had other plans! I lifted my leg for
Cherry to check me, and she took one look and said, oh my..we're
going to have a baby! I said, really? I'm ready to push? and she
said, oh no..you don't push at all..I'm going to get everyone here
first!! my husband and I kind of looked at one another puzzled...surely this
was going to take longer than this???? within about 10 minutes the
Dr., the RT, the NICU nurse, and Cherry and another nurse were there.
they got my legs up into the rests, and Dr. Pena asked if I was ready
to have a baby? I said I sure was, and gave my first push. the nurses
and the RT(a guy) all started saying wow! look at that pushing! oh my
gosh, this baby is ready to be born! my husband was stunned....the Dr. asked
if I wanted to feel my baby's head...and I reached down , thinking
surely I can't feel this baby's head yet..I've only pushed 1 time???
but I reached down, and felt the top of my baby's head covered with
hair!!! I was so surprised and overwhelmed...I was ready to push
again, and with the next one, out came the head! the Dr. suctioned
her well, she began to cry, and I gave one more little push and
looked down as she came into the world at 3:52PM :) she was bright
pink, crying, and wonderful! the Dr. knew we didn't know the sex of
the baby, and that was so exciting to hear him say..it's a girl!!! the man
and I were crying, and saying how our son was right all along..he knew
it was a girl baby from the time we told him he was going to be a big
brother:)
my baby girl got suctioned and wiped up a bit, and then they brought her over
to me. she did not need to go to the NICU, and she bright-
eyed...looking up at me and taking it all in. I had one small 1st
degree tear, which got 2 stitches, and the placenta was delivered
right after that...we stayed in there for about an hour, she nursed a
bit, and then I remembered everyone was still in the waiting room!! I
had Cherry go tell them they could come in...and wow, was everyone
surprised to see me now at 4:50PM holding a baby!
we got moved up to the Mother/Baby floor about an hour or so later,
and got settled in. the nurse took Erin to the nursery for her first
bath and check-up with the pediatrician on call. I ordered some
dinner!
my sister had brought our son to the hospital, they had arrived just
after the delivery..he is very much in love with his little sister:)
once they brought her back into the room, he climbed up into bed with
me and the baby..and he sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to her, really
softly into her ear! it was so sweet..and no, we don't have it on
tape:( in fact, we don't have any video of in the hospital...due to
the man filming just a bit in the labor/delivery room, and then he left
the light on and ran the battery down! LOL, poor guy...he feels awful.
we were released and went home July 4th. omg, it feels good to be home!
..as a family of 4:)



and here she is today, as a 5 year old....a whole hand...going to Kindergarten next month and a big sister now, herself. she is my little dancing queen:)