well slap an orange apron on me and make me a Home Depot manager

I am a handy Momma.I can say this with confidence. I have tiled. I have ripped up carpet(prior to the tiling, of course). I have painted. and repainted. I have wallpapered and un-wallpapered. I do lots of yard work. but this latest accomplishment....crown molding. I did it all by myself. yes, I realize I sound like a 3 year old who just pooped in the potty and flushed without assistance, but damn, I'm proud!
women are really amazing. we birth babies. and I do not care whether you do it via natural childbirth, loaded up on an epidural and narcotics, or a c-section or adoption. once you are a Mom, you change. forever.
when I was a little girl, I always played with dolls. I always knew one day I would be a Mommy. (however, I a NOT a Mommy...I am most definitely a Momma) however, when I played Mommy as a child, I left out SO much stuff! omg, I had no idea that being a Momma would include home repair, unclogging essential plumbing, decorating a home in a child friendly(aka child-proof)way, covering all exposed outlet covers, making sure your children wash their hands before leaving the bathroom, and the correct way to blow your nose. they really need to make a manual for this shit. I'm telling you, if half the girls today knew what they were risking by having unprotected sex, there would be LOADS more condom sales. I think if every teenager had to spend 24 hours being "Mommy" or "Daddy" (and I mean a real parent, none of that fake doll stuff), we would see a decrease in teen preganancies.
well, I've gone off on a tangent. I tend to do that a lot. I think I have so many things in my brain at any one time that they all sort of fight it out and whatever comes out, comes out. this is yet another side effect of Mommahood. you have been forewarned.
where was I? oh yes, Home Depot. I love this store. my husband will complain about the lack of helpfulness, but I tell you, put an infant in your cart and have a piece of paper that looks somewhat like a list, and BAM! you get helped.the orange aproned ones come out and offer assistance. and boy oh boy, tell them something like, "my husband gave me this list and I have no clue where to start" and smile, and BAM! they will find you your stuff in a flash. and yes, I realize this is not the way to promote feminism....but hey, if I can get in and out of Home Depot in 30 minutes, I'll do it.
and guess where we get to go tomorrow? you got it, Home Depot! the man says he need a new weed whacker. anything that will make his portion of the yardwork fun and exciting to him, I'm all for. he also needs to get 4 more corner pieces for the other bathroom's crown molding. (my next project) and mulch...in Florida we seem to need way too much mulch. it's a never ending thing...the mulching.
allrighty, time to clean up the kitchen and bathrooms and get the kids ready for bed. thank goodness it's the weekend, they don't absolutely have to bathe if they don't want to. and I can finally have my wine

we survived our 1st sleepover party

well, I can now say I am the Momma to an eight year old. an eight year old....how the heck is that possible?
my son somehow convinced me that a sleepover party was a good idea. we invited 5 eightish year old boys, and we had 3 spend the night, plus my son. we went to DisneyQuest first, and took the boys on some virtual reality rides, tons of video arcade type games, and dinner. eight year old boys are not really good at ordering dinner. 1 asked for something completely different after I sat his ordered dinner in front of him. I had to explain that this was not my kitchen nor was it his Mom's kitchen, he told me he wanted pizza and therefore he will eat pizza, not a hotdog. he seemed to grasp that info and sat down and ate his pizza.
I only had one heart failure that night. from the time it took us to walk from one game to another, 1 boy disappeared. yes, I was frantic. turned out that missing boy was also line-cutter boy, and had cut in line to hop into a car to ride Nascar. without the rest of us. like we had planned on riding next. all together. did I mention the all together part? we found him, I used my "Mommy would be very upset if you did not come home and I would be in so much trouble if you had really disappeared please do not even let go of my hand for the remainder of the night thank you very much" speech and look and that seemed to do the trick. the boy did not so much as cough without telling me about it for the rest of the night.
my husband was along for the party, and he entertained us with his motion sickness pale, ashen face following one virtual reality ride. then, he found a jet flying game and he was fine after that:) I did admit that for about the last 30 seconds of that ride I was thinking, "OK, I'm done....great visuals, fantastic animation, don't really care where the eff the jewels are, though, Aladdin, dude", but hubby was very close to barfing, I think. lol...ahhh, the joys of getting older.
so, we get home and my niece had babysat the other 2. daughter was up and wide awake and ready to tell us all about the newest Barbie movie. baby was awake, but almost asleep. niece looked like she was about to kiss the floor in gratitude that we had, indeed, come home. got boys to change into jammies, opened presents, had Sponge Bob cupcakes. everyone was happy and we got them all situated as to who was sleeping where and let them have the power of the remote, which ended up on Cartoon Network.
niece and daughter went to bed. brought baby to bed with us since I knew he would not go to sleep with all of the racket in the family room. plus, he's a cuddler. I like sleeping with him, he snuggles and makes cute little sighs.
sorry, got off on a tangent of baby love.
well, all was good until 1:30AM when 1 boy decided he was "bored" and wanted to go home. (I seriously wanted to ask him what was so exciting going on at his house at 1:30 that we were considered boring, but thought better of it and said OK). I called up Dad in our neighborhood and he came over and picked him up. the rest of the 3 slept through the night until 1 little darling came in and woke me up at 4:30 to tell me he had to go home at 8:30AM because he was going to have his 1st Communion soon and he had to go to school for it and it was really important because it was for God. (how I remember this I have no clue, because I sure did not set my alarm for 8:30 or anything, but I do clearly remember telling him OK and that yes it was very important to be on time for God). back to sleep.....
they woke up at 7 and had doughnuts and milk. also a few leftover cupcakes. hey, you only turn 8 once, right? lol all kids were gone by 9:30AM and my house was a complete wreck. did a quick clean up and went back to bed, leaving hubby in charge(he had slept in). family arrived around 2PM for cake/BBQ/more presents. did the family stuff and had fun. rained/poured/torrential rainstorm while hubby BBQ'd...lol.
all in all, it was a fun birthday. not going to be inviting multiple boys over for a sleepover again anytime soon, but it was fun. I'm still trying to catch up on sleep. I don't think I'm ever actually going to, though!
the next day I took cupcakes and juice for his 2nd grade class. I'm sure his teacher loved me. let's load up the kids on cupcakes and then settle down for Science. (sorry, Mrs. B!)
oldest son was happy. he had the first sleepover party of his group of friends. he told me I was a cool Momma.

did I mention my son started karate?

he went to a birthday party at a local karate school, and got a free pass for 2 weeks of lessons and a free outfit(yes, I know it has a name, but to me, it's an outfit). he is a white belt and loving it. we go 2 times each week. however, last night he woke up and came into our bed at some point(do your children have this ability? they can now get into bed with us and we do not even hear/feel/sense them until the morning. or if a stray arm or foot is laying on your face, then you wake up just enough to reposition the little blessing and then go back to sleep).well, he then proceeded to have a dream about karate class and double punched me in the back and then screamed "KYAHHHHH" into the back of my head. the boy has a nice punch, I'll say that much. needless to say, I woke up. first, I made sure who exactly was punching me. if it had been the husband, there would have been words and perhaps a pillow onto the face(just kidding, sweetie). however, it was my firstborn, so I kind of shrugged it off and made a note of his forceful sounding Kyah. in my sleep induced state, I was willing to let this pass and be proud of him.
then, at approximately 3:42AM, he did it AGAIN. this time was not quite as "cute". he is going to be 8 this weekend, the kid can punch, and I do not know karate. I decided then and there I needed to pay more attention in karate class and learn some blocks. he only gets into bed with us maybe once a month or so, so maybe I'll have time to hone my skills before the next surprise attack.
oh, and when I told him what happened...he thought it was hilariously funny and then asked, "but did it hurt, Momma? we're supposed to make it strong, but I never thought I would hit you". awwwwwww, he is so sweet. makes those little fist shaped bruises on my back almost bearable.
now, the 4 year old wants to sign up as well. they do not take kids until they are 5, so perhaps she'll decide macrame or pottery is more up her alley by then. I can only hope.

Security Cameras...every Mom needs at least 1

why have I not thought of this sooner? it took me 3 children to realize that a security camera would be a useful tool for the kid's bathroom. that way, I could at last have positive proof who is spitting all over the mirror every morning and who is wiping their butt and choosing to throw the toilet paper away INTO THE TRASHCAN. (don't get me wrong, I am tickled pink that the child is wiping, is going to the bathroom and putting all "deposits" into the toilet...but why oh why is the child refusing to flush the paper????) you see, Moms have these little mysteries to solve. we stay up at night worrying about why our children are doing such things. did I say something when he/she was potty training that has somehow scared them into thinking something horrible will happen if they flush the used toilet paper? are they so ecologically aware that they are doing their own little part by not flushing more paper? do they think I like to see their proof of being in there? no one will admit to doing it. both of them say "not me", and the baby is still in diapers, so he's off the hook...for now. as for the mirror spitting, I seriously think they are in training for the 2012 Olympics when they will add the sport, Competitive Mirror Spitting. I swear to you, I Windex that mirror once a day. every morning it looks as if someone took a toothbrush dipped in toothpaste and spit and flung it onto the mirror. maybe they are using it as a creative outlet and I am erasing a masterpiece daily. hmm, we have paper and crayons and paint and markers for that. I can't live with a spotted mirror. I have my issues, I suppose.
anyways, back to my brainstorm about the security camera. yeah, yeah, yeah.....privacy issues. hey, I promise I'd turn it off if anyone other than my children used that bathroom. I'm not interested at all in anyone else's bathroom habits, just my kids'!

I Saved my Husband Thousands of Dollars

we really need new furniture. the set we have in the family room is 14 years old and was not the highest quality to begin with. we have definitely gotten our moneys' worth from Rooms To Go out of it. the plan was to get new furniture after our daughter was 4 or so. (up to age 4 is the highest incidence of furniture staining/ripping/bodily secretions getting on, etc.) well, we were blessed with a surprise 3rd child, and thus, furniture plans have been postponed until this child is 4.(and no, it really will happen this time, there will be no more blessed, beautiful babies coming out of this body...ever...really)this takes me to how I save my husband so much money. I found some slipcovers that work well over leather furniture. the ones I tried before were too slippery and anytime someone actually sat or leaned or just got too close to the furniture, the slipcovers would, slip. off. looking like a rumpled mess of a bedspread that someone chucked onto their furniture. not a good look.I found these slipcovers at Target. they are stretchy and have an elastic bottom. they are wonderful. you can also throw them into the washer and dryer. I bought the loveseat sized one to try, and have now ordered the sofa and chair ones. I have a whole new living room for about $200. the husband has not said a word. he watched me put it onto the loveseat, tuck it all in, and saw the kids try it out. (they were given specific instructions to jump/fall/roll/skip onto the loveseat and sit on it for a while to test it out) it passed the child test, so I'm hoping any adult we have on it will be mainly just sitting and or laying on it. my house is not that exciting that I could hope for anything more.husband is now putting together the new shelves/bookcases I bought (Target) to add some storage to our living room and yes, they match the new slipcovered look of the living room. he's handy with a screwdriver and will usually happily assemble anything if he is able to incorporate a power tool into the project. he is, in fact, off to buy a nail gun later today. do we need a nail gun? our neighbor offered his for us to use, but husband thinks we actually NEED a nail gun for future nailing purposes.

An explanation of the name

so, when I was a little girl, I always played with my dolls and pretended to be a Mommy. and I was always referred to my the dolls as "Mommy". I call my own Mom, well...Mom. I never in my life ever have called someone Mama or Momma(whichever spelling you prefer). but, when my now almost 8 yr old son said his first word, it was Momma. and it has stuck. he still calls me Momma, my daughter calls me Momma, and I'm sure when the baby talks, I'll be Momma to him, too. I guess the word had some negative connotations for me, but now, I've embraced it. I like it. I can always tell in a room full of kids when one of mine needs me because I am pretty much always the only "Momma".
I have also gotten used to the term because of a website I go to, AmityMama. I was not around it when it was first started, but now I visit it almost daily. nice, interesting bunch of women there. a bit more "crunchy, granola, cloth diapers and such" than I will ever be, but I like it. I get a lot of good ideas from them and have become a slightly less commercially driven buyer because of the sites they have exposed me to. things like wooden toys instead of plastic colossal structures. 100% cotton simple clothing rather than dressing in what everyone else in suburbia has on today. (but don't get me wrong, when I am skinny again, I will be dressing in fitted clothing and flaunting my skinny ass! lol)
but, I digress.... I am Momma.(and this spelling is because this is how Jack decided it was to be spelled. when he was having such a tough time learning to write and spell, this is how he liked the word to look, so that is how we spell it. the firstborn has spoken, and that's how it is).
Momma must now get off of the computer and go be a Momma. today, this includes such excitement as laundry, putting away the dishes that some have now been washed twice that are in the dishwasher, getting family ready for a family pic tonight for our church pictoral directory, and I think following that I will drop off the fam and go grocery shopping by myself. we officially have no juice in the house except for Gatorade, 1 mushy banana and a boatload of apples. think i could convince the husband to become vegan for a night?
S

I've joined the bloggers

hmmm, how have I survived Motherhood, Wifedom, and life in general without having my own blog? I keep a running blog in my mind, it goes 24/7 and documents every tiny thing that happens to me, my husband, my children and things that I wish would/would not happen. now, I'll type those interesting little tidbits out.
3 children are a LOT of work. the never stop. they always need food, water, clean clothing, and someone always needs some body part wiped. I strive for 3 things daily....a shower with no interruptions(best achieved at 6AM or 11:25PM), a nice strong cup of coffee with flavored creamer, and for myself and my children to get dressed each day. well, the last one now happens since school has started and the teachers generally frown on ScoobyDoo or Ariel jammies. and me, well, I kind of have to get dressed, too, since I have to walk the 4 yr old into class. and how are these other Moms so put-together and have styling products in their hair? there are a few who actually were outfits. I used to wear outfits. I used to wear make-up and get regular haircuts. now my ensemble of choice is shorts and either a white or black t shirt. I brush my hair and hope for the best that it will stay in somewhat of a part and when all else fails, a ball cap works wonders. sometimes, if I have an extra 3 seconds, I even put on lip gloss.
the husband is pretty much my 4th child. the man went through college on a basketball scholarship and yet his clothes land in a pile on the floor right next to the hamper. every freakin day. but, I love him and it's not like I don't pick up way grosser things than his smelly socks daily.
we have a dog. she's black and I can prove it....her hair makes little black piles all over the house. I vacuum daily. I think she must run through the house at night and shake any loose hair off of her body and remakes the piles. maybe it's some super secret doggie CIA mission and she's pissed that I keep vacuuming it all up?
we also have a hamster. I will admit here that I love the hamster. genius! small cage, small food dish, water bottle....done. I clean the cage once a week and then do not have to do anything else for her except give her an "O" of Apple Jacks or Cheerios every morning as her treat.
OK, I think that's a good first post. in other words, the kids are all asleep and I if I'm going to have my shower in peace, I have to go take it now or else someone will hear me up and decide that they cannot live without water, an extra blanket, or a bandaid on something.