"If You Build It, They Will Come"

ding, ding, ding.....to those of you who recognize that quote


so, you know how you have little things(well, some of them may be huge ass projects)that need to be done around your house? and they never seem to get done? well, if you don't and are married to Martin Stewart or Joe McGuyver, then fine, go suck it. the rest of you, you will understand my happiness today.

let me just give you a little view into things that make Sandi cringe and say bad words underneath her breath and curse her husband to a long, slow, painful death.

garage door. hasn't opened with the click of that magical little button in,
like, so long that I can't exactly remember how long I have had to manually
open and close the m-effer. now, I know.....it's not horrible. I'm perfectly
able bodied and capable of opening and closing a garage door by myself. but.
but. I have the button. and it didn't work for such a looooonnnng time.

kid's bathroom. has had ugly, uneven tile for about 4 years. hard to keep clean.
has bugged me. a lot.

fence. has been needing a few little tweaks here and there for about 10 years.
some of the gates don't work unless you use every freaking muscle in your
body. pita. BIG PITA.

side yard. 2 huge, beautiful oak trees flourish there. nothing else grows there.
have needed to plant some shrubs to cover the dirt scape that is there. needs
"prettifying". need less of the "oh look, they grow dirt" look.



so, like any Type A woman out there, I made a list. I typed it up, bolded each heading, I even fucking used bullets on it. oh yes, I used bullets!

and I placed the list in an area that I knew the Man would see. right in front of the coffee pot. because we all know he can't function on less than 4 cups a day.

and....some of the items on that bulleted, pretty list...they have been done!

slap me sill and call me Nancy.

if I had know the power of the list, I would have started this shit long ago!!!!!!

IF YOU WRITE A LIST, IT GETS DONE


who knew?


as of this very moment.....
I have new tile laid in the bathroom, I shall be happy as can be to grout it in
the 'morrow.

I have a working garage door opener!!!!!! I almost feel like singing an Hallelujah
everytime I press that little button.

plants are being researched as to which would be best for side yard.

no mention of fence. yet. but I have faith.

what I watch on TV

Friends yes, i realize it has been off the air for a few, years...but I will stop and watch a few minutes of this show whenever browsing the menu on TV


Real Housewives of Wherever the Fuck You may Live (RHOWTFYML) I don't care if they live in California, New Jersey, New York or Timbuktu. I'm watching!

Vampire Diaries the boys are pretty. enough said.

V that Anna chick scares me. sort of like my 1st Statistics professor. she looked nice, until she opened her mouth and started talking and you just knew she hated Earth.

Ghost Hunters I think the funniest shit on this show is when Steve and Tango freak out over a spider. yet they will see chairs move and people walk by when they are alone and question if it was paranormal or not. a spider, though? they will run and scream like a girl. I love that!
Oh, and there's the whole, I'm a plumber by day and ghost hunter by night thing. naw, I still love Steve and Tango. I once tried to talk my son into going to a convention with me and using his cuteness to get me closer to the Steve/Tango action. he refused me. punk.

The Weather Channel look, I live in Florida and things like huge ass hurricanes that rip your roof off of your house happen here. I want to know when I need to freak out. I like to be prepared.

2 Million Kids and Counting because, come on, they are not done. poor TLC has to keep changing the damn name of the show to keep up with the Duggar family. their graphics people have a very stable job as long as the viewers continue to want to peek into their home. (and I LOVE that house!!!!!! if I could be married to JimBob and have him build me a house like that, well, let's just say maybe I would have more than 3 children, too! not 19....I would be rocking in a corner with drool coming out of my mouth)

umm, that's my regulars. for now. I do NOT watch the Military Channel. ever. my husband loves that crap. let's watch a show about a war from 80 years ago! yeah, we know who won and who lost. no thanks.

Clowns are Not my Friends

Coulrophobia- the fear of clowns

from Wikipedia(my source for all things clown related)
Coulrophobia is abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns. The term is common, but it does not appear to be used in psychology. The condition is common among children(my kids have no issue with clowns), but is also sometimes found in teenagers and adults(ding! ding! ding!). Sufferers sometimes acquire a fear of clowns after a bad experience with one personally. It can also be caused by seeing a sinister portrayal of a clown in the media,such as the monster that took on the disguise of a clown in Stephen King's novel and film It.(I will assure you all, I WILL NEVER READ that novel. I watched enough of the TV miniseries to get the idea of the storyline, and I thought it was ridiculous that the white make-up wearing evil clown dude was way more scary than a big ass spider. Stephen, I love you and respect your talent, but you had that one way wrong, dude. A spider will NEVER be scarier than a grinning fang toothed mother effing clown that stares out at you from sewer drains. NEVER.)

Coulrophobia can also be said to extend to a fear of covering up one's face with paint—the idea of hiding recognisable features under a layer of face paint can also unsettle coulrophobia sufferers.(not true, I have no problem with mimes. freaky and creepy with the whole, "let me pretend to be in a box and this is considered entertainment" thing, but I don't run screaming from them.)

In July 2006 the Bestival, a three-day music festival held in England, had to withdraw a request to festival goers to come dressed as clowns due to the unexpectedly high rate of coulrophobia among the potential audience. (how did I miss that invite? Beastival sounds like a great little party.)


for your viewing pleasure....no scary clowns are in here, I promise
Lady is Scared to Death of Clowns - Coulrophobia
OK, I'm not as bad as this chick, but I can totally feel for her. Her gripping "Parsley, the friendly sheep" is a bit...different for an adult woman, however. I'm sensing there may be more issues at work here other than just the clown thing.

and I'll leave you all with one last VERY IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFORMATION!
do not, under any circumstance, google "fear of clowns" unless you want an upclose and fullscreen picture of that mother effer from Stephen King's "It" on your computer. I may or may not have screamed so loud that my husband brought me a glass of wine in a sippy cup last night.


TRUE STORY UPDATE- on my way home from work, I saw this license plate next to me at a red light. you see, I am not alone in this life!!!!!

Sundays are a good day to learn

not that you can't or don't learn stuff on, say, a Wednesday. but Sundays are a bit more relaxed here. no alarm clocks going off. we usually stay in jammies until at least 10 AM or so. for this reason, I'm going to post something every Sunday that I either learned over the week or learned in the past and wanted to show my children(if appropriate. let's face it, sometimes you learn things as an adult that are, in my kids' words are, "INAPPROPRIATE!!!!!!!!!!!!"



and now....on my list of places I want to go to that I'd probably have to ditch my husband off somewhere in order for me to really enjoy it. (because he walks way too fast and a 2 second glimpse is considered a thorough looksie in his mind) yes, I realize the walking too fast is a side effect of being born a giant, but come on, the rest of your family is at least 1 foot shorter than you are. give our pegs a break.
OK, so anyways.....I'm going here one day. pinky promise.
See Every Painting At The MoMA In Two Minutes

sickness variety

when I am sick, all I want is to be in my bed. alone. and for someone to check on me periodically to make sure I am indeed still alive. don't touch me. don't try to lay down and snuggle. give me some space to sleep off the germs and then I'll be back to regularly scheduled life.

kids get sick. this is no surprise to anyone. they never wash their hands and eat dirt. of course they will get sick. the past 2 weeks in my house have been sickly.

first, the daughter complained of a sore throat. but she went to school. I came home from work at 6:30PM and found her laying ion the couch, 103 temp, and when I asked her what hurt, she started to cry. off to the afterhours clinic we go.
she had strep.
2 days later and she is 100% normal, feeling groovey.

then, Spring Break arrives. oldest son has a headache. and a fever. and then throws up a few times. feels better for a day and then the whole cycle begins again. finally his headache goes away and he sleeps about 12 hours and feels better.

next day arrives and littlest son has the grossest, liquid, foul smelling diapers I've ever witnessed. no fever. eating normal. acting normal. just horrid diapers.

now, oldest son has diarrhea. school is supposed to start again tomorrow. and I'm almost out of diapers. if you're reading this, please send up a prayer for regular poops and no fevers.

oh, yeah...she used to be a friend

do you have people in your life who at some point, you truly considered them "a good friend", and now you have no idea what or who they are? I'm not really sure if this happens more now since the invention of things like Twitter and Facebook and MySpace(do people still even use that one?). it seems like you can find just about anyone on those sites and sometimes, you wish maybe you hadn't clicked on that last "search" button.
I keep up with some of these people, moreso for my own curiosity to try to find out wth happened to them. I've given them my own names.

"God Strippergirl"
someone I once knew as a strongly Christian, family oriented woman is now...a stripper and I think a drug addict. no mention of family anywhere on her site, even though I knew her husband and 2 children.

"Clueless as Ever"
this person's husband has cheated on her. I know because he tried to convince me that I was missing out on something spectacular in his pants. the wife then blaimed me and has called me "toxic". he is now screwing someone at his place of work. and the wife continues to tell everyone and anyone who will listen that she has the greatest marriage in the world.

"Little Mermaid"
think about that song, A Whole New World. this chick has done a complete 360 on life and has dumped everyone who did not immediately jump on the "you're great! you're the bestest eva!" bandwagon. on a side note, she blocked all of those people so now, I really have no idea wth is going on with her. she's not loosing any sleep over it, so I will not either.

"the Eff Man"
this guy, he uses the eff word as much as he possibly can in any post he makes. even if the eff word doesn't really "go" with the post...he can make it fit. he can be talking about a day at the beach, a cuddly bunny, a cold can of beer. the eff word makes numerous visits to his site. and then he adds some nonsensical run-on sentences off and on that makes me wonder where he got his weed from. cuz surely somebody added a little somethin somethin to it to make him think that talking about how much he needs a woman is attractive at all in his actual search for a female companion in life.

"holier than thou all of you, damnit"
this chick....wow. I know THINGS about this chick that would make her holy water jump the freak out of its container and run, screaming like a banshee, away from her. yet in this new life of hers, she is a Bible quoter. a person who prays for everything. I mean, like she prays for EVERYTHING. if you chip a nail, she'll drop and say a rosary for ya. just a tad annoying to hear how her power of prayer is all that is needed to "fix" any problem that she may come upon.



OK, so all of this is not saying that I am without fault. of course I have faults. I try my best to be a good person and a good friend. one thing I have learned is that women do not really want to know that their husband is a leech eating scum sucker creep. they'd be much happier with their little blinders on and continue thinking he's great.
and if you block me from your shit, I can still see it. that's how awesome it is to have a computer programmer for a neighbor who gets a giggle out of hacking.

EDITED TO ADD~ if you are reading this, it's not you that I am talking about. none of the people that I am referring to are aware of this blog. so relax. if I have something to say to you, I would say it to you...not starting any fights via blogville.

Little #3 is 3 today!!!

Luke...the child that won the war against birth control and became my third child....turns 3 today :)
Finding out I was pregnant with a third child was not exactly a happy day for me. I had already wrapped my head around the fact that we had two beautiful children, a boy and a girl, and that was our family. We were done and happy and complete.
Boy, was I wrong!
His birth not only put me through the most emotionally draining and stress and grief of my life, but he has brought so much laughter and joy to our home... God knows what He's doing after all.

Luke at 1 day old (sorry it's smaller)







Luke at 2, lounging





Luke today :)




So, Good Friday to you all, I have a birthday party to plan:)

April Fools!

nope, she is not dead. she hasn't been abducted and dropped off on the side of the road in the Everglades to become alligator brunch. (OK, so I liked Nip/Tuck and thought that episode was absolutely brilliant and hope that if I am ever in that sitch I will have a friend to help me lift the body out of the trunk. wink wink)

speaking of Nip/Tuck. it's done. [insert sad face] and please tell me I am not the only person who was praying for a return of the Carver to slice and dice his/her/its way through Hollywood and go out with a bang??????
but no, it ended at the dinner table. and an airport. boo hiss.
that actor who played Matt kinda creeps me out. he looks so clownish. and that has nothing to do with make-up application. anything that looks like a clown is repulsive to me. that assclown from Stephen King's "It".....gave me the shakes for weeks. anyways, that Matt....he was gay, killed a Dad, found out that his Dad was really Christian and not Sean, knocked up a methy porn star, had a beautiful baby girl, and left the show with a fellow wierdish looking woman who is obsessed with beautiful children.
put a clown wig on this dude and voila.....hello Sparkles the Clown





















other shows I am somewhat following include:
Real Housewives....any city will do, these women are fascinating to me
Ghost Hunters....LOVE those Roto Rooter men. lots. and Steve and Tango...umph
Vampire Diaries...they're cute
19 Kids and Counting...because it could be that kind of Hell. no matter how horrid my day was, I do not have 19 children and that thought can make me feel better.
V...there's just something about lizard looking mouse eating aliens that is entertaining



so, there you have it. my update. I will not promise to write dailey. but, I will be here more often now that life has quieted down a bit and honestly, I miss blogging.
I will update on me and life also, not just on TV shows. and movies about vampires. but trust me, there will be mentions of sparkling blood drinkers now and then. my daughter has Edward on her wall right now. she mentioned maybe getting jacob as well. I shuddered and gasped and when I came to, she said OK, I was joking.
love that girl!