Sunday, October 23, 2011

7 months and 5 days

this is how long it has been since I have held my son. 7 months and 3 days since I finally got to yell at someone about it.
I learned last week that there really are horrible, cruel people in this world. people who would do such things like call in a false child abuse report the day after your son dies of a heart attack. people who use words such as "dropped dead" to describe a 3 year old little boy's death.
it has taken this long, pushed ahead by an email and a phone conversation with the Sheriff of my state, an email to my Governor(he never responded) and numerous phone calls (most of which were ignored) to DCF. all of this occurred even though the Medical Examiner has stated that there were no signs of abuse or neglect within a week of his death. (DCF never bothered to call her for her report until I called her and explained what was happening. she called them and basically ripped them a new one for the incompetence they had shown thus far. little did I know that was just the beginning).
so here I am, no active cases involving me for the first time in over 7 months. does it feel good? no. I cannot imagine how many other families have suffered because of DCF after this case took this long for them to close. how many innocent children who ARE being abused, neglected, murdered went by the wayside while they were so busy creating reports and documents about my family? I feel like maybe now, just maybe, I can finally start to grieve.
so thanks, DCF, for making a horrible situation even more heart wrenching than it already was. and thank you, anonymous scum of the Earth person who called in that report. thank you so much for adding 2 sentences that did absolutely nothing except rip my heart apart a little bit more. but you should be proud, your call made it into the official report. many other things somehow didn't make the final cut. things like why they felt they needed to speak to my children at midnight after we had gotten home after saying goodbye to their little brother. things like asking my husband to give a urine sample when he was not even at home when our son stopped breathing. things like why a police detective and DCF investigator "interviewed" me for almost 3 hours in my home, after I had already told them what I knew. things like why my children felt the need to formulate a plan if DCF showed up again threatening to take them away(yes, they heard all of that conversation and it took months to convince them that they were safe).
where do I go from here? an appointment for legal consultation sounds sounds about right.

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