Sunday, April 17, 2011

if I had known.....

my last post here was on February 15, 2011. I was complaining about my 3 year old son sleeping with us and me not getting any rest. 1 month from that date, my son died.

if I had known, I would never have complained about tiny toes jabbing me in the ribs in the middle of the night. I would give anything to be awoken by him rolling over me or stealing all of the covers.

today is April 17, and we still do not know why Luke died. they are still awaiting test results, experts are looking at different possibilities.

all I know is that my heart aches every second of every day. I want my baby back.

3 comments:

Alicia said...

Every day I am reminded to cherish my children. Every day I think about your baby and how much you are hurting. Every time I let myself remember, I cry for you. I cannot begin to imagine your pain. I am sorry you have to miss your baby boy. He gave me eskimo kisses once while we were in the classroom. That's how I remember him; squishy and smiley and lovable. Love you.

copmom said...

I think Alicia said it best - "Every day I think about your baby and how much you are hurting. Every time I let myself remember, I cry for you. I cannot begin to imagine your pain." Exactly how I feel. I am so sorry, Sandi. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I love you.

Denise said...

OH my Gosh! My Deepest sympathies to you. There are no words. I read your blog often, and have just seen this. It is clear from all of your posts, you adore your children. Life can be so unfair and random. I'll be thinking of you and your family. I know you are all hurting - that sort of pain can be all consuming. Just take it day by day, second by second and cherish the memories you do have. I'm sure he knew he was loved immensely! I hope you find answers and gain some peace from that knowledge too.